Two city type chaps were having a sly pint during lunchtime one afternoon but after a while it got a bit out of control booze-wise and they were both rapidly getting spannered.
Suddenly and without warning one of the chaps the w up down the front of his suit."I think I’d better go home" he said, but his buddy replied "No need my friend, just do what I always do in this position, put a £10 note in your breast pocket, and when your lovely wife asks you about the puke stain all down the front of your suit, say that a bloke in the pub did it and if you don’t believe me theres the £10 that he gave me for the dry cleaning in my top pocket"
"Brilliant".
So the binge carried on until closing, by which time the two of them were TOTALLY wasted. On getting home the chap with the puke problem was confronted in his hallway by his wife. . .
"Look at the state of you, you are despicable, disgusting, vile"
"It’s not what it seems to be" he replied, and continued to tell the lie about the chap in the pub "and if you don’t believe me there’s the £10 he gave me for the dry cleaning in my breast pocket" he said.
His wife, being a suspicious type, reached into his pocket."Hang on" she said, "there’s £20 in here"
To which the drunk replied "He also shat my pants".